Memorial Day weekend was my first wedding to attend without Cory being by my side. It was extremely hard because Cory was looking forward to Brett & Nikki's wedding ever since we heard about it. Cory knew they would have a live band and he was really hoping that Brett would get up there and play. Cory especially loved live music but enjoyed music in general. The wedding was beautiful and they dedicated flowers in Cory's memory at the church & was in the wedding bulletin that was so incredibly nice and Brett did get up with the band to play and I am sure Cory was smiling down at him. Mitchell wanted to stay with Grandparents so I went to the wedding myself which was very weird, I was nervous of what was going to happen inside...would I sit by myself? I knew some friends of ours were in the wedding and my brother-in-law wasnt attending the wedding just t he reception & dance along with other friends so I wasn't sure who was going to the wedding. I almost turned around & didn't go to the wedding. I went in and Andy & Nicole were there so I latched onto them and they took me in without hesitation. Then when we were seated I just lost it. I remembered how happy we were on our wedding day and all the future plans and how in love we were. I remembered Dad saying aren't you nervous before going down the isle and I said "no" because this feels so right and it is where I am supposed to be. Our wedding day & marriage (like many others) is so precious to me we truly became one. Cory was a very loving, affectionate husband who took that role seriously. Cory always remembered my birthday, wedding anniversary, dating anniversary, mom's day. I wish everyone could have a husband as wonderful. My eating has not been the same since he is no longer cooking for me:(
Brett & Nikki seem meant for each other and look very happy & in-love it just reminds me of Cory & I so that makes me happy hopefully they will have a beautiful & loving marriage forever!
Once we went to reception & dance more friends were there and it helps to be around people but I had to go outside to calm myself. I find it hard to know what to be doing. I feel guilty having "fun" but yet I feel like Cory is watching over me and would want me to be doing the same things I would be doing if he was here. I sometimes think that now he is always with me where before he had things he needed to do. I don't want people to feel uncomfortable around me wondering what to say, hoping not to upset me, talking about Cory and something that they did with him I savor and even if I tear up it is ok because that is just part of my life now. Its like they say it was better to have loved than to never have loved at all.
Thank you to everyone for being so kind and inclusive. Thank you Brett & Nikki for remembering Cory & doing the memorial flowers & playing with the band. May God bless your marriage.